1st Edition

A Man's Recovery from Traumatic Childhood Abuse
The Insiders

ISBN 9781138965560
Published January 19, 2017 by Routledge
318 Pages

USD $49.95

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Book Description

Break the silence about male victims of incest and sexual abuse!

The pseudonymous author of A Man's Recovery from Traumatic Childhood Abuse: The Insiders had everything a man could want: intelligence, physical strength, financial security, close friends, a loving girlfriend, a home in the most beautiful part of California. But he also had mysterious physical pains, a bisexual father who had been beaten to death in an unsolved murder, a mother who was always ailing, a brother who had been killed in a car accident on the way to his eighteenth birthday party. And a sense that all these facts were somehow connected, that there was a secret story that would link everything together.

He also had the Insiders. These subpersonalities knew the story. They kept the secrets and held the pain. As he went through therapy, they emerged, told their stories, and helped him face the brutal, ongoing sexual abuse by his parents that had made his childhood a nightmare of terror, shame, and pain.

Few male survivors of sexual abuse have spoken out to tell their stories. A Man's Recovery from Traumatic Childhood Abuse breaks the silence. Because the author is a trained therapist as well as a survivor, he weaves psychological theory with the biographical material. This unique dual view allows emotional and intellectual comprehension to develop in parallel.

A Man's Recovery from Traumatic Childhood Abuse also discusses essential concepts in understanding abuse survivors, including:

  • inflating versus deflating abuse
  • the emotional triangle of fear, sadness, and anger
  • post-traumatic decline
  • attachment disorders
  • repressed, recovered, narrative, and procedural memory
  • somatization
  • dissociation, ego states, and subpersonalities
This passionately honest book is a unique resource for therapists, abuse survivors, and the people who love them. You will never forget A Man's Recovery from Traumatic Childhood Abuse or the brave man who dared to tell the truth about sadistic sexual abuse.

Table of Contents


  • Foreword
  • Preface
  • Chapter 1. Robert: A Proposition From My Inner Child
  • June-October 1987
  • My Experiences with Hypnotherapy
  • I Awaken the First Monster
  • More Family Skeletons
  • Splits, Ego States, and Multiple Personalities
  • Chapter 2. Young One, Honey, Dream Woman, and Bear: Memories Are Made of This
  • November 1987-February 1988
  • Struggling to Believe the Memories
  • Young One: A Second Child Within and a Second Monster
  • Block That Fantasy!--Or Not?
  • The Insiders
  • More Splitting
  • Chapter 3. Child Abuse and Its Discontents
  • March-May 1988
  • The Rewards and Frustrations of Amnesia
  • Coping with Wine and Weed
  • “The Courage to Heal,” the Cowardice of Denial
  • 100 Ways to Kill My Father, Give or Take 85
  • Trying to Show Kindness to the Inner Children
  • Chapter 4. Anger, Despair, Self-Hate, Binges
  • June-November 1988
  • I Try to Hide, but They Still Find Me
  • Eddie and How He Died
  • This Is Not What's Meant by a Rich Inner Life
  • Feeling Abandoned
  • Chapter 5. My Man-of-Anger Takes Charge
  • November 1988-April 1989
  • Massaging the Feelings Loose
  • A Child Molester in a Survivors' Group
  • The Insiders and I Deal with Betrayal
  • The Return of Red: That's What You Get for Theorizing
  • Trauma, Ego States, and Why I'm Not a Multiple
  • Chapter 6. Sex Rears Several of Its Heads
  • April-August 1989
  • Working It Out with Linda
  • Remembering Abuse, Reading About Recovery
  • Big Honey, the Champion
  • Grace, the Sexually Needy
  • Chapter 7. Earthquakes, Within and Without
  • September-November 1989
  • Another Group, Another Perp
  • Torture
  • Loma Prieta
  • Listening to the Insiders . . . and a Few Bureaucrats
  • Chapter 8. Q: The Memory of Pain
  • December 1989-April 1990
  • Looking for Structure Among the Insiders
  • Memories in and out of Time
  • Hitting Bottom with Linda
  • Feeling Q's Pain
  • Chapter 9. Frankie: Befriending the Monster
  • May-October 1990
  • Talking About Sex--and Enjoying Some
  • A Workshop on Ego-State Therapy
  • Confront My Mother? The Insiders Say No
  • All Ego States Have a Positive Function
  • Working with Jack and Helen Watkins
  • The Dad Introject Becomes Frankie
  • Chapter 10. Male at Risk
  • October 1990-April 1991
  • Grace's Sexuality--and Mine
  • More Depression, More Theory, More Denial . . . Less Sex
  • Choosing to Confront Mom
  • Shut Down
  • Chapter 11. The “Oh, No!” Experience
  • May-November 1991
  • Couples Therapy
  • Me and My Shadow
  • The Inner Pervert: Crystallizing My Sexual Conflict
  • Q's Sexuality--and Linda's
  • Chapter 12. The Cost of Denial
  • December 1991-May 1992
  • Being OK Sexually: Therapy for Christmas Haters
  • Linda and I Deep in Each Other's Stuff
  • Pain, Screams, and Other Unfinished Business
  • The Cost of Ignoring Mom
  • Memoirs of a Child Prostitute
  • Chapter 13. Disintegration
  • June-September 1992
  • Bobby and Red: The Insiders Prepare for War
  • Oedipus and I
  • “Moments of Healing”: Working with Mariah Gladis
  • Die Soon, Mommy
  • Night of Horrors
  • Chapter 14. Healing
  • September-December 1992
  • “The Mother Wound Is Always Deepest”
  • Breaking the Fantasy Bonds
  • Another Christmas with the Insiders
  • Chapter 15. Burning Mom
  • January-May 1995
  • Gestalt at Esalen
  • The Insiders Are Healing Each Other
  • Putting the Anger Where It Belongs
  • Trusting the Process
  • Letting Mom Die
  • The Pyre
  • Postscript
  • Bibliography

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