Fatherhood for Gay Men : An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad book cover
1st Edition

Fatherhood for Gay Men
An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad

ISBN 9781560233886
Published June 16, 2003 by Routledge
122 Pages

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Book Description

Get the inside story on a single gay man's struggle to adopt!

Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad is the story of one man's journey down the road less traveled—a single gay man adopting and raising his two sons. Author Kevin McGarry recounts his passage into parenthood after years of having his natural fathering instincts stifled by the limits—real and perceived—of being gay. This unique book details the emotional, financial, practical, and social realities of the adoption process for gay men.

From the author: "We take risks by coming out of the closet as gay men and at the end of the day, we are emotionally happier because we took those risks. By coming out, we are being true to who we are. The same goes for anyone, gay or straight, who has gut instincts for parenthood. I knew over the years that I had parenting instincts because I had this incredible envy of other dads. I would watch them with their kids and wish that somehow, I could have that role. It was painful at times because being gay, I didn't think parenting was in my life plan. Had more role models been available to me, the process would have been a little less difficult."

Much more than a “how-to” guide to adoption, Fatherhood for Gay Men is the personal account of a single gay man's struggle to become a father despite the real and imagined limitations of being a gay man. The book looks at the adoption process (domestic and international) from the inside, providing unique insight into:

  • conducting a homestudy
  • costs (fees and expenses)
  • what countries allow men to adopt
  • alternatives to adoption
  • life as a new parent
  • online resources
  • and a state-by-state review of adoption laws, categorized by “Completely Legal,” “Favorable Climate,” “Mixed Success,” and “Illegal”
The book also includes results of the 2000 study by Gillian Dunne, senior researcher for the London School of Economics Gender Institute, of 100 gay fathers and fathers-to-be. “Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad is a heartfelt and heartwarming story of a father's refusal to be denied a family.

Visit the Author's Web site at http://www.fatherhoodforgaymen.com

Table of Contents

  • Foreword
  • Preface
  • Chapter 1. Closet Daddy
  • Chapter 2. Sacrifices and Trade-Offs—Kids versus Corvettes
  • Chapter 3. My Journey to Vietnam
  • Chapter 4. Being a Gay Dad
  • Study by Gillian Dunne
  • Testimonials
  • Chapter 5. The Adoption Process
  • Homestudy
  • Dossier
  • Medical Reports
  • BCIS (Formerly the INS)
  • Chapter 6. How I Chose Vietnam—Destiny’s Children
  • What Countries Allow Single Men to Adopt?
  • Chapter 7. The Bottom Line—How Much Does it Cost?
  • Chapter 8. What Are the Current Laws on Gay Parenting in Each State?
  • Chapter 9. Other Ways of Becoming a Gay Dad
  • Surragacy
  • Coparenting
  • Chapter 10. Big Decisions
  • Boy or Girl?
  • Baby, Toddler, or Older Child?
  • Transracial Adoption?
  • Domestic or International?
  • How Old Is Too Old?
  • Chapter 11. Preparing for Life With a Baby or Child
  • Baby Shower
  • Names
  • Preparing Your Home
  • Your Trip
  • Day Care
  • Your Social Life
  • Chapter 12. How to Avoid Problems and What to Do if They Arise
  • Chapter 13. My Decision to Adopt Again
  • Chapter 14. Life with Kids
  • Afterword
  • Helpful Websites and Listservs
  • Web Sites
  • Listservs
  • Index

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