360 pages | 1 B/W Illus.
This pioneering book explores the impact of ADHD on a couple’s sex life and relationship. It explains how a better sex life will benefit your relationship (and vice versa) and why that’s especially important for couples with one partner with ADHD.
Grounded in innovative research, ADHD After Dark draws on data from a survey of over 3000 adults in a couple where one partner has ADHD. Written from the author’s unique perspective as both an expert in ADHD and a certified sex therapist, the book describes the many effects of ADHD on couples’ sex lives and happiness, covering areas such as negotiating sexual differences, performance problems, low desire, porn, making time for sex, infidelity, and more. The book outlines key principles for a great sex life for couples with ADHD and offers strategies and treatment interventions where specific issues arise.
Written in a readable and entertaining style, ADHD After Dark offers clear information on sexuality and relationships and is full of valuable advice on how to improve both. This guide will be an essential read for adults with ADHD, as well as their partners or spouses, and therapists who work with ADHD clients and couples.
"Couples in which one partner has ADHD report much less satisfaction in their relationships and may be prone to higher rates of divorce than are typical couples. That is why this book is so important. It is the only one currently available that focuses on the most intimate aspects of a loving relationship among couples and that is their sexual one. With great wit, candor, and sensitivity, Dr. Tuckman not only presents the results of the first large-scale survey of sexual relations in couples where ADHD exists and what problems they may be experiencing. Just as important, he tells you what to do about it. As with his other books on ADHD, readers will find here numerous recommendations for how to improve the quality of their relationship despite one or both members of a couple having adult ADHD. I highly recommend this book not only for couples, but for couple therapists, adult ADHD coaches, mental health professionals who work with adults with ADHD, and students in training in these disciplines as it is the only one currently available that deals with this topic exclusively and in such rich detail."
Russell A. Barkley, PhD, clinical professor of psychiatry, Virginia Treatment Center for Children and
Virginia Commonwealth University School of Medicine, Richmond, VA
"In the very capable hands of Dr. Ari Tuckman, sex and ADHD finally get the attention it deserves! Whether you are a person with ADHD, or a partner of one, or just someone who finds themselves driven to distraction in this age of non-stop social media, there are incredibly valuable lessons in ADHD After Dark to help you get sexually focused."
Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist and best-selling author of She Comes First.
"Many couples impacted by ADHD struggle, and their sex lives show it. So they rightly ask ‘what will make our sex life better?!’ Ari Tuckman, one of the top ADHD therapists in the world, knows. With research to back it up, he shares what strengthens the intimate lives of couples just like you. Read ADHD After Dark, and re-energize those intimate moments!"
Melissa Orlov, founder of www.adhdmarriage.com and author of the award-winning book, The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD.
"Bravo! for Ari Tuckman's ADHD After Dark. It's about time that someone asked real people to talk about real sex and real ADHD and that's what Ari did, and boy, did people ever talk! The result is this hugely valuable, engrossing, and fact-filled book. Both serious and celebratory, this unique book is a gem, the first of its kind, and a true find indeed!"
Edward Hallowell, MD, author of Delivered from Distraction
"Dr. Ari Tuckman is a well-respected expert in the field of adult ADHD. He has the courage to write ADHD After Dark which advocates for awareness of possible effects of ADHD on sexuality and the couple relationship. He understands ADHD as an individual vulnerability, and urges the person and partner to be aware so that ADHD does not subvert sexuality. An important contribution to the ADHD community."
Barry McCarthy, PhD, professor of psychology, American University and co-author of Finding Your Sexual Voice: Celebrating Female Sexuality
"ADHD After Dark exposes the devastating impact of ADHD on the sex lives of intimate partners. An online survey provided the data from an extraordinary number of individuals impacted by ADHD - directly or through an intimate relationship. Combining his experience as a systemically trained sex therapist with his proficiency in treating ADHD, the author shares an array of clinical interventions for couples affected by ADHD. Any therapist working with ADHD clients will find this book invaluable for improving sexual intimacy and relationship satisfaction."
Nancy Gambescia, PhD, director, Postgraduate Program in Sex Therapy, Council for Relationships, Philadelphia, PA
"Tuckman’s latest book addresses an important subject that is not often talked about: the impact of ADHD on people's sex and love lives. His work begins an important and much-needed conversation, and it offers practical advice and guidance to couples that can help them effectively navigate challenges and foster happier and healthier sex lives and relationships."
Justin Lehmiller, PhD, author of the blog Sex and Psychology and the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life
"In this incredibly compelling book, Dr. Ari Tuckman adeptly combines original research about the sexual relationships, desires and habits of couples living with ADHD to help people find more happiness and connection. Written in a clear, friendly style, he’s not afraid to tell it like it is: asking probing questions and providing honest, thoughtful and even humorous insights into how spouses can create and maintain healthier, more satisfying intimacy. Useful ‘Take Away Lessons’ at the end of each chapter summarize important points and give readers practical steps to apply immediately. ADHD After Dark offers a positive, non-shaming approach to sexual relationships that is a much needed and significant contribution to the field of psychology. As a family therapist, I will definitely be referring to it and recommending it over and over again."
Sharon Saline, PsyD, author, What your ADHD child wishes you knew: Working together to empower kids for success in school and life
SECTION I: THE LAY OF THE LAND 1. In Their Own Words 2. How ADHD Impacts Sex and Relationships 3. Make the Most of Treatment 4. Role Models: What Can We Learn from the Happiest Couples? SECTION II: PRINCIPLES OF GREAT SEX LIVES 5. Sex Makes You a Better Person 6. Respectful Communication and Productive Negotiation 7. It’s All Foreplay 8. Make it a Priority 9. Sex 101 (and 201, and 301. . .) 10. Taking Some Personal Time: Masturbation 11. What about Porn? SECTION III: OVERCOME SPECIFIC ISSUES 12. When the Negotiations Break Down 13. Problems with Performance and Pleasure 14. Problems with Desire: Not Enough Sex 15. Secret Stuff with Other People: Hook-Ups and Affairs 16. Consensual Sex with Other People: Other Arrangements 17. Lessons for Dating: Begin with the End in Mind