By viewing romantic love as an attachment bond, Clare Rosoman incorporates emotionally focused therapy (EFT) and attachment theory to provide evidence-based tools in navigating close relationships and managing the pain of relationship loss.
Beginning with a foreword from Veronica Kallos-Lilly, this book firstly explores how attachment themes show up in relationship dynamics, creating either security or insecurity, before looking at how relationships go wrong. Chapters then focus on creating a new narrative for this loss of connection, helping readers learn about their own attachment strategies and how to work through pain, anger, and grief. The last part focuses on helping readers learn how to forgive, let go, build security within themselves, and implement these strategies in future relationships.
Addressing all forms of relationships, including family and friendship losses, LGBTQ+ couples, and references to cultural humility, this accessible and empathetic guide is written for both therapists and their clients to help them learn from their experiences and build the ability to be a resource for themselves. It is essential reading for EFT therapists as well as couple, marriage, and family therapists.
Table of Contents
Part I: Taking Stock– Where am I now and how did I get here? 1. Why does it hurt so much? 2. Where did it all go wrong? Part II: Processing Pain – What can I learn and how can I grow? 3. Learning about your own attachment strategies 4. Anger & Attachment 5. Grief & Attachment Part III: Looking forward – What’s next for me? 6. Acceptance & Detaching 7. Earning security with yourself 8. Building security in future relationships
Clare Rosoman is a clinical psychologist, and EFT therapist and trainer based in Queensland, Australia.
"This is a beautifully written book that will touch your heart and lead you through the pain of loss to a new sense of balance and peace – everyone should read it."
– Sue Johnson, (EdD), Founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy & Director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)
"Who hasn’t felt the crushing pain of heartache after a relationship breakup? Whether you are in the throes of a fresh heartbreak or are perseverating about an old flame who was "the one that got away", this book will be a beacon of guidance and support. What Dr Rosoman offers is a roadmap that helps people heal emotionally from a lost love and rebuild their lives. She brings her many years of clinical experience as a psychologist and relationship therapist to help readers gain self-awareness and insight about what makes relationships last."
- Veronica Kallos-Lilly, (Ph.D.), ICEEFT CertifiedTrainer in Emotionally Focused Therapy; co-author of An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us 2nd edition (Routledge, 2022)
"Clare has written something extraordinary here. Since people are realizing that time doesn’t heal all wounds, many are seeking and needing relevant, accessible assistance that is rooted in science without being overly scientific. Clare has written such a book. It is warm and friendly but clear and actionable. Clare has applied attachment science to the experience of heartbreak in a way that is very leading edge. This book provides excellent, well written, accessible information provided in bite-sized, digestible pieces. There is a process ahead for those of us grieving, and as she highlights at the beginning, she remains with the reader throughout! It is an excellent and most relevant resource and would have been my best companion in my own dark hours of grief. I have benefitted from reading it and I can’t wait until I can give it as a gift, recommend it to clients, and share it with my loved ones!"
– Kathryn Rheem, (EdD), Trainer in Emotionally Focused Therapy; Director of the Washington Baltimore Center for EFT, & Co-Founder of the EFT Café