2nd Edition

How to Talk to a Narcissist

ISBN 9780815382065
Published November 28, 2019 by Routledge
134 Pages

USD $34.95

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Book Description

Bringing to light new developments in the treatment of marital conflict, this second edition of How to Talk to a Narcissist addresses the ever-changing faces and phases of narcissism within the context of marital therapy. This is a practical guide that focuses on specific communication styles in addressing patients with severe narcissistic personality pathology, as well as those with borderline personality disorder.

The book starts with an overview of the different kinds of narcissists and borderlines. Dr. Lachkar analyzes these high-conflict personality disorders from a clinical, psychodynamic, and psychoanalytic perspective and delves into the various defenses that a narcissist or borderline might use. Updated treatment approaches and techniques are included along with an examination of the historical and theoretical perspectives that ground these approaches. Also included are detailed case illustrations.

This book is useful for both beginning and seasoned practitioners and is recommended for all clinicians treating individuals, couples, and groups within the scope of various narcissistic personality disorders.

Table of Contents

1. His/Her Majesty the Narcissist  2. Overview of the Borderline  3. The Dance, the Bond, the Drama  4. Treatment Approaches and Techniques  5. Theoretical Perspectives: Our Founding Fathers  6. Psychodynamics and Primitive Defenses of the Couple  7. About Love  8. Personal and Professioanl Conflict Resolution  9. Closing Thoughts

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Joan Jutta Lachkar, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Sherman Oaks, California; an affiliate member of the New Center for Psychoanalysis; and author of many publications, such as The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple, How to Talk to a Narcissist, and How to Talk to a Borderline. Dr. Lachkar is also a psychohistorian and has published numerous papers on marital and political conflict. Her website is www.joanlachkarphd.com.


"Finely attuned to the myriad ways in which individuals voice their complaints in marital, cross-cultural, and corporate settings, Lachkar offers us a treasure of insight and interventions, as she delineates the communicative patterns of various personality types within a dyadic context.  Lachkar also introduces original concepts like the ‘V-Spot’ (the point of our greatest vulnerability). Her writing is firmly anchored in theory and yet eminently accessible to readers at all levels of experience."
Salman Akhtar, MD, Thomas Jefferson University, and supervising and training analyst, Psychoanalytic Center of Philadelphia

"Lachkar offers a clear approach to engage the difficult to treat narcissistic/borderline personality couple that is informed by deep clinical and theoretical knowledge. She describes the seeming endurance of such painful relationships as the 'dance of the couple' and identifies how such relationships become frozen and limit intimacy. Through many, detailed clinical examples she demonstrates techniques for both communicating with and listening to such couples. From a broad knowledge of psychodynamic theory, culture, history and her own vast clinical experience she describes how these relationships operate. The breadth of theoretical knowledge, vivid examples, useful techniques, and cultural awareness make the book distinct and special."
J. Mark Thompson, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA

At last a scholar who moves past the psychobabble and the rival psychological (mainly psychodynamic) theories and tackles the difficult task of how to communicate with narcissists. The book is a delight to read. Though her astounding erudition is evident throughout, Lachkar never condescends or patronizes. She condenses decades of research into concise yet comprehensive chapters and opens up new vistas of understanding seamlessly. A must read and a welcome addition to the literature and an indispensable tool in the arsenal of victims of abuse meted out by narcissists and psychopaths."
Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

"This book is an outstanding update of Dr. Lachkar’s profound and sensible approach to understanding and treating narcissism in all its forms. A special chapter has been added concerning the narcissist’s ability to draw others into long litigation. Her 'Courts Beware!' is a significant contribution to the literature on narcissism. This is a book that has wide appeal not only for the therapist’s repertoire concerning engaging such clients and their families but also for those in sociology, social psychology and political science who are interested in political charismatic leaders. This is a book not to be missed and to be placed high on one’s reading list."
Nancy Hartevelt Kobrin, counter terrorist psychoanalyst expert, author of five books, external expert at La Universidad de Granada, senior analyst at the Islamic Theology of Counter Terrorism, London, UK

"We are fortunate to have a second edition of Joan Lachkar’s comprehensive book on the varieties of narcissism. She gives concise summaries of relevant theory and many rich case vignettes with guides and ‘how to’ suggestions for individual and couples therapists. This book should be in every therapist’s library."
Peter Loewenberg, professor of psychohistory at UCLA, political psychologist with the clinical practice at UCLA, a supervisor and training analyst at the New Center for Psychoanalysis

"In this comprehensive book, Dr. Lachkar delves into the etiology of narcissism, identifying its origins and creatively expanding these into varying subtypes. This book offers a in-depth approach into the psychoanalytic underpinnings, giving both clarity and guidance for clinicians struggling to communicate with or to listen to such individuals. The chapter on narcissists in the courtroom offers a sobering and cautionary elucidation of narcissistic defenses and how their attitude play out in litigation. Written in an engaging, approachable manner, this outstanding book is a must read for those wishing to further their understanding of narcissism."
Nina Savelle-Rockin, PsyD, psychoanalyst, radio host, author of Food for Thought: Perspectives On Eating Disorders, coeditor of Beyond the Primal Addiction