Preface
1. Interpersonal Communication: Building Bridges to Others
The Process of Communication
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
Verbal Communication
Nonverbal Communication
Three Models of Communication
Linear Model
Interactional Model
Transactional Model
Principles of Communication
Communication Is Constant
Communication Is a Process
Communication Is Irreversible
Communication Expresses Content and Relationship
Communication Is Symbolic
Communication Is Learned
Interpersonal versus Impersonal Communication
Impersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication
Three Qualities of an Effective Interpersonal Communicator
Openness
Flexibility
Kindness
Offering A Safe Harbor
Intercultural Sensitivity
Ethnocentrism
Individual vs. Collective Dimension
Low vs. High Contest
Competition vs. Cooperation
Guidelines for More Effective Intercultural Communication
1. Increase Your Frame of Reference
2. Don’t Judge
3. Take A Risk
4. Ask Questions
5. Discover Common Ground
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
2. Perception: Seeing the Best in Others
Perception
Three Stages of Perception
Sensing
Organizing
Interpreting
Factors that Influence Perception
Position in Space
Physical Differences
Past Experience
Expectations
Increasing the Accuracy of Your Perceptions
Awareness of Your Limitations
Perception Checking
Distinguishing Observation from Inference
Self-Concept
How Your Self-Concept Is Formed
Reflected Appraisal
Social Comparison
Personal Construction
How Social Media Affects Self-Concept
Three Self-Concept Guidelines for Communication
Unplug
Tune In
Connect
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
3. Verbal Communication: Saying the Best to Others
Verbal Communication
Principles of Verbal Communication
Language Is Symbolic
Language Is Subjective
Language Can Be Denotative or Connotative
Language Is Rule Governed
Language Defines and Limits
Language Varies in Levels of Abstraction
Language Can Be Creative
I-Statements: Owning Your Language
The Four Levels of Communication
Surface Talk
Reporting Facts
Giving Opinions
Sharing Feelings
Self-Disclosure
Self-Disclosure Topics
Small Things That Make A Big Difference
Intercultural Guidelines in Verbal Communication
1. Speak Slowly
2. Enunciate Your Words
3. Avoide Slang, Jargon, and Obscenity
4. Use Metaphors Carefully
5. Use “We” Instead of “Me”
6. Be Mindful of Your Nonverbal Behavior
7. Most importantly, be respectful
The Most Important Words
Building Bridges Exercise
Further Readings
4. Nonverbal Communication: Showing the Best to Others
Nonverbal Communication
Principles of Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal Communication Is Continuous
Nonverbal Communication Is Instantaneous
Nonverbal Communication Is Universal
Nonverbal Communication Is Multichanneled
Nonverbal Communication Is Emotionally Rich
Nonverbal Communication Is Function Specific
Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous
Types of Nonverbal Communication
Body Movement
Facial Expressions
Paralanguage
Touching
Personal Presentation
Artifacts
Proxemics
Time
Nineteen Nonverbal Bridges to Others
Buidling Intercultural Bridges
1. Reframe
2. Rename
3. Retrain
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
5. Listening: Understanding Others
The Listening Process
Receiving
Attending
Interpreting
Evaluating
Responding
Acceptance: The Basic Bridge to Listening
Nonverbal Signs of Acceptance
Verbal Signs of Acceptance
Active Listening
Four Steps of Active Listening
Active Listening for Content (Accuracy)
You-Technique
Active Listening Questions
Active Listening Statements
Active Listening for Feelings (Empathy)
Observing the Speaker’s Nonverbal Communication
Reflecting the Speaker’s Nonverbal Behavior
Responding to the Speaker’s Verbal Behavior
Four Types of Questions
Closed Questions
Open Questions
Probing Questions
Loaded Questions
Questions That Can Deepen Conversation
Poor Listening Styles
Refusing to Listen
Pretending to Listen
Listening Selectively
Listening to Evaluate
Listening to Rescue
Barriers to Listening
Guidelines for Listening
Avoid Parroting
Avoid Overuse of Active Listening
Avoid Inappropriate Use of Active Listening
Being Smart With Your Smart Phone While Listening
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
6. Conversation: Sharing with Others
Conversation
The Three Types of Conversations
Acknowledging Conversation
Entertaining Conversation
Sharing Conversation
Principles of Conversation
The Building Blocks of Communication
Dialogue Not Monologue
Interest in Others
The Power of Questions
The Importance of Self-Monitoring
Enlarging Impact
Components of Conversation
The Welcome
The Body
The Good-Bye
Healthy Smart Phone Usage
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
7. Encouragement: Enlarging Others
Enlarging Others
Acknowledging Others
Acknowledge Their Presence
Acknowledge the Relationship
Remembering Names
Repeat the Name
Spell the Name
Visualize the Name
Match the Name
Associate the Name
Respecting Others
Respect Others as Equals
Respect Boundaries
Respect Other’s Opinions and Feelings
Looking for the Best in Others
Saying the Best to Others
Complimenting Others
Compliment Appearance
Compliment Achievement
Compliment Character
Compliment Effort
Compliment the Invisible
Reframing Negatives
Supporting Others
Verbal Support
Physical Support
Guidelines for Enlarging Others
Be Expressive
Be Sincere
Be Specific
Be Limited
Be Altruistic
Be Persistent
Being An Encouraging Online Participant
1. Be Prepared
2. Be On Time
3. Be Affirming
4. Be Respectful
5. Be Cooperative
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
8. Conflict Management: Collaborating with Others
Interpersonal Conflict
Five Responses to Conflict
Avoiding Style
Accommodating Style
Competing Style
Compromising Style
Collaborative Style
Myths of Conflict
Myth 1: Conflict Should Be Avoided at All Costs
Myth 2: Conflict Is Always Someone Else’s Fault
Myth 3: I Must Like and Be Liked by Everyone
Myth 4: Everything Should Go My Way
Myth 5: There Is Only One Solution to Any Problem
Myth 6: All Conflicts Can Be Resolved
Benefits of Conflict
Expanded Awareness
Improved Interaction
Increased Satisfaction
Increased Bonding
Developed Maturity
Flowing with a Complaint: A Basic Skill
Step 1: Remain Silent
Step 2: Restate the Speaker’s Complaint
Step 3: Validate the Speaker’s Feelings
Step 4: Agree with the Truth of the Complaint
The ABC’s of Collaboration
Step 1: Analysis
Step 2: Brainstorming
Step 3: Consensus
Forgiving
Forgiving Those Who Ask for Our Forgiveness
Forgiving Those Who Are Not Apologetic
Asking Others for Their Forgiveness
Guidelines for Forgiveness
Forgiveness Is a Decision, Not a Feeling
Forgiveness Requires the Suspension of Your Ego
Rehearse Your Request
Some People Will Not Forgive You
Forgiveness Is a Never-Ending Process
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
9. Relationships: Joining with Others
Conversations Can Lead to Relationships
Four Types of Relationships
Acquaintances
Friends
Family
Romantic
The Six Stages of Relationship: B.R.I.D.G.E
Stage 1: Beginning
Stage 2: Relating
Stage 3: Intimacy
Stage 4: Diverging
Stage 5: Grounding
Stage 6: Experimenting
The Circular Nature of Relationships
Principles of Relationships
Relationships Are Not Perfect
Relationships Do Not Give You Everything
Relationships Need to Be Nurtured
Relationships Are Both Pleasurable and Painful
Relationships Require Flexibility
Creating Conditions for a Healthy Relationship: B.O.N.D.
Condition 1: Bridging
Condition 2: Openness
Condition 3: Nurturance
Condition 4: Discovery
Open Questions That Can Deepen Relationships
Being Smart With Your Social Media
Rating Yourself as a Friend
Encouraging Growth in Others
Step 1: Have Them Discuss Their Dream
Step 2: Have Them Experiment with Their Dream
Step 3: Acknowledge Experimental Successes
Step 4: Motivate the Dreamers
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
10. Workplace Communication: Working with Others
Communicating with Equals
Communicating with Superiors
Impromptu Speaking
The One-Point Impromptu Speech
Guidelines for Impromptu Speaking
Leading an Effective Meeting
Goal-Directed Guiding Behaviors
Task-Guiding Behaviors
Social-Guiding Behaviors
Guidelines For Leading Online Meetings
A Limited Agenda
Provide Online Participant Ground Rules
Before the Online Meeting
During the Online Meeting
After the Online Meeting
The Employment Interview
Self Examination
Getting the Interview
Preparing for the Interview
During the Interview
After the Interview
Your Journey
Building Bridges Exercises
Further Readings
Index
Biography
Randy Fujishin is the author of nine books in the field of human communication. He has taught communication studies at the college level for 40 years, has served as a clinical therapist for 30 of those years, and is also a keynote speaker for corporate conferences and retreats. Randy is, most importantly, a loving husband, caring dad, and fun grandpa, and he rides an Italian motorcycle.
"Natural Bridges in Interpersonal Communication is an ideal book for undergraduate students. It offers the students very practical down to earth suggestions as to how to be a better interpersonal communicator and overall human being. Not only does the book address communication theory, but it also offers practical ways for the students to implement theories in their daily lives. Many of my students have mentioned how much the book meant to them as well as their friends and family who they have shared it with. Having used this book for many years, I highly recommend it."
Erik Christianson, City College of San Francisco, USA
