ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
INTRODUCTION
SECTION ONE. Touched: transitive verb, to put hands upon, especially to commit violence
CHAPTER ONE. Bateswood
CHAPTER TWO. Vanderpool
CHAPTER THREE. Fleetwood
INTERLUDE. More Tales from Daria Court
SECTION TWO. Touched: adjective, slightly unbalanced mentally
CHAPTER FOUR. Hearthstone
CHAPTER FIVE. Labay
CHAPTER SIX. West Oaks at Cypress Creek
INTERLUDE. Wrong Box, Wrong Body, Wrong Era
INTERLUDE. Fairytales, Part 1: Beware the Witch’s Sugar House
CHAPTER SEVEN. Fairy Tales, Part 2: The Vampire Chronicles
SECTION THREE. Touched: transitive verb, move to sympathetic feeling, to leave a mark or impression on
CHAPTER EIGHT. High Drama on the Northwest Freeway
CHAPTER NINE. Jim’s House in Montrose
CHAPTER TEN. Railyard
INTERLUDE. Skid Marks
INTERLUDE. Castilian Dormitory
CHAPTER ELEVEN. Nob Hill
SECTION FOUR. Touch: noun, a distinctive method of dealing with something
INTERLUDE. Phoenix Rising
CHAPTER TWELVE. Ain’t Nobody’s Biz
INTERLUDE: Grindr
EPILOGUE
APPENDIX A. Reflecting on Method
APPENDIX B. Writing from a Phenomenological Perspective
APPENDIX C. Auditing CSA Memories
APPENDIX D. Theorizing CSA’s Feel-Good Paradox
APPENDIX E. Abuse’s Psychic Inscription
Biography
Ragan Fox is a Professor of Communication Studies at California State University, Long Beach. The poet, scholar, and professor’s published works include Heterophobia (2005), Exile in Gayville (2009), and Inside Reality TV: Producing Race, Gender, and Sexuality on “Big Brother” (2018)—all of which explore queer identity and cultural politics.
"After exposing the inner workings of reality television, Ragan Fox now turns the magnifying glass inward in this part-memoir, part “dirty autoethnography,” examining his childhood sexual abuse with unflinching honesty. In Touched, he transforms experiences long kept silent—especially for boys and queer children—into an emotionally searing and intellectually rigorous narrative.
In this book that is hard to put down, Fox crafts language to articulate a silenced and unspeakable past. He confronts the “feel-good paradox” of childhood sexual abuse, the myths that distort memory, and the subtle ways trauma inscribes itself onto the body. His writing moves with lyrical precision and emotional depth, showing how a child’s attempts to understand violation can echo across a lifetime.
This is a memoir of rare courage and craft—one that expands the complicated work of surviving. It is also a striking example of autoethnography, showcasing vivid dialogue, thick description, lively characters, and a gripping narrative arc. Fox demonstrates how telling one’s own story becomes not only a method, but a powerful act of reclamation. Readers who enter these pages will leave with a deeper sense of what courageous, authentic storytelling can open in all of us."
Sarah J. Tracy, Professor of Qualitative Methodology and Organizational Communication, Arizona State University
"I'm sure that someone, somewhere, will call this a memoir, that it will be shelved snug alongside other penned snippets of lives lived. But Touched so easily blazes beyond the mundane. This is a harrowing chronicle of the ways abuse numbs, shatters, and blindly rebuilds and rebuilds a semblance of child. It is driven by a fierce, audaciously unleashed lyric, a meld of poetry and terror that will make a reader throw the words across a room, against a wall, away from whatever renders them real. With this driven and singular take on a story too often shadowed and shamed, Fox is unswerving in his determination to assure that it finds root in the very bodies of those who read it, and that it ultimately unreels from the realm of survival."
Patricia Smith, National Book Award–winning author of The Intentions of Thunder: New and Selected Poems and Pulitzer Prize finalist for Incendiary Art
"Touched places its readers at the site of trauma and then, through careful and compelling storytelling, delivers them to the wisdom found through years of self-reflection and living. As both an artist and a scholar, Fox draws from an arsenal of literary and methodological resources to guide us on the journey. Touched is not a neat memoir or a predictable approach to child sexual assault. Fox dissects not only what happened to him but also how culture expects such a tale be told. He calls it dirty autoethnography, writing about the self to understand culture and all the messiness that entails. His approach is poetic, vulnerable, and defiant. It is a revelation."Tracy Stephenson Shaffer, Professor Emerita of Communication Studies, Louisiana State University
